For All the Dairy Framers Out There:
The New Hit "Where Them Cows At"
Where Them Cows At from Volt on Vimeo.
If Farming Were A Subject:
Being at University I got used to taking a lot of 101 subjects in First year, and so thanks to an idea from Michael over at "The Farmers Way of Life" Blog (Link: http://farmerswayoflife.blogspot.com/), I thought I too would come up with a 101 Guide to Farming, feel free to pitch in any thoughts and suggestions, I'd be happy to add them......
- No matter how dry the grass looks, wearing your new suede RM Williams shoes across it is never a good idea - Generally it's a lot wetter than it looks.
- Never let the Dachshund steal you boots and leave them for you to collect on the other side of the lawn- Especially if it's winter, -4 and you've just had a frost set.
- No matter how small the mob looks, always pack a spare pair of overalls when you are preg testing the heifers- By the second one a strategically placed tail and gloved hand will result in a very messy and destroyed shirt.
- Cow crap can, does and will bounce of any surface- Concrete, dirt and mud: Learned this all to easily at dairy placement.
- Gumboots are the equivalent of water-ski's/ice skates on a wet concrete walkway when you're chasing after that one stubborn heifer- Again lesson learned the hard way on dairy prac, Degree of difficulty - 7, Timing - 10 and Execution - 8. Lesson Learned: Always pack a spare pair of overalls/clothes.
- Patience is truly a virtue
- A soak in Napysan will remove any agricultural stain from cattle crap to grease.
- Anything smaller than 80kg is a microorganism - Learned from a cattle lecturer.
- Electric fences will ark, do not assume that because you are wearing gloves they won't.
- Do not sit on the fence in the foal yard - the cheeky little buggers will bite.
- The gate to the feed shed might look like Fort Knox but give it time and the brood mare will find a way to get in.
- The house cat can turn the laptop on when it wants something warm to sleep on.
- A hanging role of wire makes for an amazing replacement antenna for the radio. - Wonderful reception.
- No matter how clean and tidy it looks the dust from the shed will always come back and rest on a strategically placed iPod - Never a good thing.
- When the ladder won't reach then the bucket on the tractor generally will.
- The mulberry tree next to the stallion paddock is never a good thing for white rugs to be around.
- There is not a problem that: Bailing Twine, Gaffa Tape, WD-40 or a 10cm piece of plain wire won't fix (select appropriate, see graphic below)
- To a cat, bookwork & assignments is nothing but a distraction or toy.
- The only freak wind gusts to hit only occur when you are halfway down the back paddock only to realize you have left the office windows open.
- To a horse a flex tub is the greatest toy around.
- If you can't remove a stubborn steel picket, the combi bucket on the tractor is always a valid option.
- If the road to town is flooded then a tractor is a valid way to get into town for a beer - I have seen this, I kid you not.
- The gate on the hayshed presents a great challenge to the cattle & horses, one which they will readily accept and find a way to win.
- Mulching the front gardens with scrap hay is never a good thing if you have cattle that like exploring.
- Horses don't prune, they readily mulch.
For another great read, try The Farmers Way of Life: Golden Rules of Farming Parts 1-5 (http://farmerswayoflife.blogspot.com/2011/09/golden-rules-of-farming-part-5.html)
Source: Facebook- Dodgy Technicians
So you've passed class 101, lets move onto some more advanced techniques......
- Roundup when used appropriately is always a great substitute for weeding the garden.
- Do not use point one for killing off bindi's in the grass or around the prized rose bushes. Will lead to a very unimpressed mother.
- A fresh round-bale is nothing but a great play toy for foals, What do you mean I'm meant to eat it?
- The higher the value the more likely it is to become the favourite chew toy for the Dachshund pup. - If it's RM Williams it gets moved to favourite by default.
- A blue cattle dog can work hard all day make decent threats and be rather imposing, however - get so much as a whiff of a thunder storm and she is trying to get in the house.
- You can don't need the horse they are up at the fence trying to steal a pat (or your lunch), however when you need them its a different story - they generally pick the corner furthest away to sit in.
- Crop duster pilots have right of way - they will buzz you while you're checking cotton for bugs, scares the crap out of you.
- Beware the auto-irrigator, watch where its going and avoid it all costs.
- Its always the nice, new & expensive toy that gets broken first leaving you to go back to the old one.
- A Steiger Tractor can out pull a Cat D-5/6 Any day....
- Never underestimate a horses uncanny ability to tell that it's rocks in the bucket you are jingling to get them to come to the fence.
- When preg/testing AI'ing always make sure you have at least more than one glove left, punching through the fingers on the second cow in not the most pleasant experience.
- It's always the sweet and innocent looking calf that you have to watch out for.
- Always assume no matter how quiet, sweet and/or innocent the calf looks that it will give a well trained SWAT team a run for their money - Learnt that on Dairy Prac
- Be mindful that the calves in the calving paddock will try and but you as you have one leg over either side of the barbed wire/hot wire. - Again Lesson Learnt
- Calves will headbutt you if they want to suck on your fingers and you won't let them, where is totally their prerogative.
- Always make sure the hot wire you have just pulled back is not earthing on the bolt that holds the gate onto the post.
- The most awkwardly/precariously placed fishing line will always yield the biggest fish - its just retrieving it that's the challenge.
- Holding welding glass over your eyes when welding in not a substitute for a welding helmet - It's not safe but it does make people look hilarious!
- If it doesn't fit you're probably not hitting/kicking it hard enough.
- Hitting, it bashing it and swearing at it don't actually constitute doing something about the problem, it makes you feel better and the repair bill bigger.
- Be careful when using the whipper-snipper with the brush cutting blade around trees, it prunes really well.
- You reading the paper or doing that bookwork does not take precedence over the cat.
- That cat will use your laptop as a bed during winter as the heat vents in the keyboard provide great warmth.
- Coky's gates made from brand new barbed wire are nothing short of painful to use for the first six months.
If all else fails here's some humor from GraphJam.com A great and enlightening source of practical yet humorous data analysis, enjoy: